Anonymous Was A Woman


I have a theory that the rise of domestic violence is directly influenced by the rise of women’s rights and our push for equality.

Many women in the public eye and are afraid to say they’re feminists, yet they benefit from those who marched and starved for their right to vote.

They say they believe in equal rights, which is fine in theory but until women are paid the same as men, then I’m a feminist working towards equality. I just don’t see them walking the talk but they reap the benefits.

There is a type of woman who side with sexist men because they are afraid of being bullied for demanding equality. They say, ‘Don’t demonise men, not all men hurt women.’

No, not all men do, but the statistics of women dying in domestic violence in Australia is at an all-time high right now.

Australia is a parochial country that seems to struggle with women at the top of anything, except a dance podium.

The Crime Statistics Agency (CSA) has released state data for the past year, which showed an 8 per cent increase in the number of family incidents, with 69,442 cases.

There has been an upward trend in the number of family incidents over the past five years, with a 65 per cent increase since 2011.

But in the past five years, more and more women are stepping out from behind men in their careers, and in public life, and asking to be respected on their merit.

More women are stating they won’t be silenced with a punch to the face, threats of rape or objectification. More women are saying no to being held as a prisoner in their own home. More women and asking to be represented in government, and to be paid the same wage as a man who does the same job. More women are asking for men to be included in their children’s lives and to be present in their celebrations and sick days.

And more women are dying,  by the men they have held accountable.

In five years, more women have asked for equal rights, control over our bodies, to be considered for jobs that historically would go to men, and to be represented in government. And in five years domestic violence has gone up 65%.

Think about it for a moment.

The epidemic of violence needs to start with an education campaign that women are a man’s equal. That men and woman should respect each other. That neither is better than the other. That both matter. Start this now with children in schools and in the home. Start it now and in a generation, we may manage to conquer this disaster.

In some ways, I think every one of the 66 women who have died this year at the hands of a man they knew, are suffragettes. Their deaths have highlighted the incredible epidemic of anger and fear in many men, as we fight for our right to exist beyond being a vessel for children and a housemaid.

With every step forward a woman takes into a boardroom, an operating theatre, or into a courtroom, there is a man who is shaking his head in disbelief. There is a man who is spewing venom that a woman got ‘his’ promotion just because she has a vagina, or a man who is sending abusive texts to his ex-wife because she had the courage to say she will not be treated like a chattel. There is a man who refuses to obey a court order to stay away from his wife because she is his, and his alone.  There is a man who asks his partner to explain every credit card charge, as it’s ‘his’ money. A man who berates her for not giving him enough sex in front of her family and friends. A man who burns her possessions when she leaves him. A man who kills her so no one else can have her.

I believe the answer to this godawful situation is refuse to be silenced and ask for more reinforces while we are at battle. To ask for more women to represent me in places of note. To  ensure the Minister for Women is not a man! To allow women to make their own choices for their bodies and their careers. To make men accountable when they try and push us down. To make safe places for women and children to be until the partner is arrested. To make it harder for them to get to the woman. To act quickly on threats and to stand up for those who have been beaten down.

Right now, we are in a war of the sexes. Some men are fighting with us, many are not.  I have been called cynical by men at work because I don’t agree with their opinion. I have been called bossy, because I get stuff done. I have been called ugly, fat, and stupid when they can’t think of another way to argue with my opinion. I have been told to shut up, been told ‘a wife isn’t worth listening to’ by a teenage orthodox Jewish kid, and I have been told I’m a bad mother for working and having a nanny.

Yesterday I was bullied by a tabloid columnist after asking her why she wrote that poor ‘unsuitable’ women are to blame for domestic violence and that they choose to be on welfare and breed with ‘feckless’ men.

(Is she Jane Austen? The use of the words unsuitable and feckless are hilariously out of touch.)

Her article turned into a shitstorm on the internet, and instead of arguing, she became defensive and combative. She is one the women who benefited from those who fought for her rights, yet she refuses to call herself a feminist. She blames women without money or opportunity for allowing themselves for being hit, and for choosing the wrong men. She chooses to deliberately ignores the many men from middle and upper classes, and probably her some of her peers, who hurt their families.

She insulted and bullied a domestic violence survivor and advocate, and retweeted every one of the few supportive comments, to attempt to shore up her ignorant argument.

She then blocked me and sent her right wing cronies out to lynch me online.

It didn’t work. I won’t be silenced. One of them tried to insult me by calling me a whinging feminist.

‘Too right I am. Thanks for noticing.’ I responded.

And I won’t be silenced.

My name is Kate. I am a feminist. I will stand up for you until you’re strong enough to stand up for yourself.



How to be good at stuff


I was thinking this morning about someone I know who wants to get a book published, yet they keep coming up against brick walls/rejections. While they rightly refuse to give up on their quest, they aren’t asking the bigger question.

What can I do to make my part of the process better, so it’s easier for people to say yes helping me achieve my goal?

The limits that this person is putting on themselves means that they probably won’t be published. The publishing world has never been more competitive and difficult, and you must adapt and bend and listen to feedback from your agents, publishers, and readers.

This morning on Humans of New York, there was these two posts.

Screen Shot 2015-09-02 at 11.25.16 am Screen Shot 2015-09-02 at 11.25.52 am

If the text is too small, this is what they say:

“I took the entrance exam for engineering when I was 19. I knew immediately that I had failed. When I got my score, I had an anxiety attack and lost control. I began screaming and beating my head against the wall. It got so bad that they took me to the hospital and injected me. When I came home, I just laid in my bedroom for days. One night my father came in to say ‘hello,’ and when he left, I heard him crying in the hallway. He was a driver for foreign tourists, and the next day he invited me to ride along with him. He was picking up a Swiss woman at the airport. Her name was Joanna. When she arrived, we realized that her travel agency had made a mistake. There was nobody to guide her. Joanna mentioned that she wanted to go to the archaeological museum in the morning. So I woke up at 6 AM, and got to the museum as soon as it opened so I could memorize as much information as I could. When Joanna arrived, I did my best to guide her with my limited English. But she was a very smart lady, and she knew that I wasn’t prepared. But she told me: ‘Mohammed, if you improve your English, you can be an amazing tour leader. And I’m going to support you.’

“With Joanna’s encouragement, I went to school for English. When I passed the entrance exam and was admitted to university, she sent me a long sleeved shirt and $500 for my tuition. I couldn’t believe it. Then every month after that she sent me $50 and an issue of Reader’s Digest. Her only condition was that I continue with my studies and write her one letter every two weeks. She would send each of my letters back with notes and corrections. Soon I knew enough English to get certified as a tour guide. Then I learned Spanish as well. And Italian. I spoke with Joanna on the phone just a few weeks ago. She told me how proud she was of me. ‘Your English is perfect,’ she said. I started crying. I told her ‘I have so much business now. I just bought my own apartment. And it was all because of you.’”


I read the posts out to Dave, who commented on Joanna, whom he called an angel. While I think Joanna is the caterpillar’s sneakers, it was Mohammad who impressed me the most. Because he did the work! He didn’t limit himself and took the opportunities that presented to him, no matter how small they seemed at the time. He said yes by getting in the taxi with his father. He said yes when he went to early to the museum. He said yes when she presented him with the idea he could do, and be something more.

And then he did the work!

How many people do you see who bitch about not getting what they want but won’t do the work? They won’t listen to the feedback, or take the hint, or say yes to the smallest change.

Is it the fear of change that limits us from truly being ourselves, being amazing, letting our talents show?

Some of us are so scared of our potential that we do nothing with our lives. We are scared of what people will say, what people already do say, and of what they won’t say.

“Doing the work” isn’t easy. In fact, it’s downright terrifying. Doing the work requires self-awareness to see where you’re at right now, and vulnerability to see the mistakes you’ve made, and self-worth to be proud of the successes.

It doesn’t matter what your goal is, doing the work is going to be hard.

Last night, I was chatting to a friend who was discussing her sister, whose husband walked out on her, whose friends have all disappeared, and whose kids don’t want to live with her anymore.

‘She doesn’t get it,’ she said to me. ‘She doesn’t see that she is the reason. She is the whole reason, and still she cries victim. She won’t do the work.’

All I could do was shrug, ‘You can’t make her see herself as she really is until she’s ready and she probably won’t ever be ready. That’s a vision she won’t ever want to face.’ I answered.

You can’t tell people they’re the unifying problem in their own life unless they’re paying you $200 an hour, and you have the letters D and R before your name.

Limiting yourself means you won’t do the work, and not doing the work looks different for everyone and comes in many forms

This is my high level- super, duper professional chart that I made,  for the workers and the non-workers, the limitless and the limited.



(I know, it’s pretty professional, huh?)

Right now I am in a ‘work’ phase. I’m doing the work in all areas of my life. I’m working on being a better friend, parent, partner, sister, daughter, writer, pet owner, house owner, cook, physical being, and samba dancer.

I have a recurring list of things I want to do and how I can make them happen. It’s pretty fun to do actually. Make one for your self.

List the stuff you want to do and what actual things you can do to make them happen. Be practical and start today.

If you want to be a better cook, watch a cooking video online and follow it step by step, so you can make something new for dinner tonight.

Want to lose weight? Start with a walk today.

Want to be a better friend? Ring someone and ask them how they are.

Want to learn a language? Download an app and start learning the basics.

Want to learn to draw? Look up classes or take free ones online.

Want to be a better writer? Push yourself to read more, and learn more, and ask for feedback on your work from people you trust.

Seriously! Stop limiting yourself. Start today. It’s Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. A perfect time to start anew and in the Northen Hemisphere, it’s Autumn, a time to start preparing and organising for the cold of Winter. Write your list so you can start your work. Do something small today, and let me know how you go!

I’m excited for you.

















Before I speak, I have something important to say.


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