How to stop worrying about your shit life, and become chill and other stuff

I subscribe to a lot of self-help emails, and I read none of them because I don’t have time, and mostly they seem to be  the same information over and over with tips such as:

  • Drink water
  • Meditate
  • Say no

All valid points, but something I don’t do at all, hence, why I am dehydrated, on 200mg of Zoloft, and currently being treated for ineffectual adrenal glands that have run out of puff.

I guess I subscribed to these emails because I was hoping for the silver bullet, or just a bullet in general, to put me out of my misery but none was forthcoming and now I just have a full inbox reminding me I’m shit at reading emails and I need to stop throwing my email address around like a male virgin at a strip club with a fist full of dollars.

But I’m not so bad. I did say no twice last week, and didn’t take on some crap I heard about, from someone who knew someone who said something shit about something, and I did what the doctor said about rest, and had three good days out of seven.

This week I’m aiming for four good days, starting tomorrow, as today already seems to be a bust.

But I’m not depressed. Do you know why?

Subscribe to my blog posts and I will give you the answer every morning, straight to your inbox, while you’re in the outhouse.

No, I won’t, because I don’t have the answer, and I wouldn’t burden you with my bullshit EVERY morning.

I can only offer you this thing I did that helped me in the last week.

I worked out my values and have aligned my life towards those.

I did mine here- 

Don’t bother with giving them your email, as it just spits your top three values back and you, along with daily emails that are now cluttering my inbox. (Is there a Kondo method for emails?)

Then, I looked at my life. Did my activities match my values?

Some things yes, some no. Then I decluttered my priorities.

Watching weird Italian films about art and despair in a beautiful setting hits several of my values. Spending time with my children and husband at the gallery also hits my v-spot. Rearranging furniture, and cleaning my house tickles my fancy, as does having a bunch of flowers in the hallway and lighting a beautiful candle. Reading about the past, makes me happy, and learning new things thrills me no end. I realised these make me happy because they resonate with my values.

I then made a screensaver for my phone of my values and every time I look at my phone, I am reminded of them, and I ask myself if I am living by them.

This doesn’t mean I’m shirking responsibility from everything that doesn’t meet my values. I still have a conscious, and I’m not a complete asshole. I know I am a privileged bitch but it is making life a little easier, and I am finding that being aware of what makes me content, or feel safe, aligns with my values.

Here are some ideas for screensavers I made in Canva.

And now I am about to go into, what my husband calls, my 1970’s coach mode, when I say it like it is.

Go and do the quiz, then make your screensaver or whatever, and then shut the fuck up when you do something you didn’t want to do but didn’t have the guts to say no. And don’t tell me I didn’t tell you  how to say ‘no’ because I did! Work out your values and live by them. Got it? Good.


The art of manifesting and hard rubbish drives

The hard rubbish drives of Melbourne are some of the most exciting times in the suburbs. A large pile of assorted rubbish can yield screams of excitement from me like nothing else. Now my children yell at me to stop, or send me photos of items from a walk home from the train station with a question mark attached to the text.

Yesterdays yield gave me bamboo stakes for my sweet pea trellis, and a few weeks ago I found a selection of wonderful ceramic and terracotta pots. Granted they were stuffed with dead plants, and heavier than me, but thanks to my brother, we emptied them and brought them home for our garden.

Other winning items have been an old church pew garden chair from outside a manse in Brighton. A dining table that I sold for good money. A set of retro tulips drink stands and a hand carved rosewood table base, that now is now bearing an indoor tree fern, planted in a pot that I found, you guessed it on the side of the road. A small animal carry cage for our newly bought rabbit, who was due to go to the vet the next day.

Want versus need is why we have landfill and why we are subjected to flatpack furniture. I often think I want things and they don’t come my way, or what little money I do have to is spent on things I need like bills and food. But what I need? That often comes into my vision on a curb somewhere.

As a former card-carrying hippy, I do believe in seeing what you want in your minds eyes, and that every decision you make should have that vision in mind, but that’s at a very high level. Do you hold the vision of drink tulips in your mind as you go about your day? No. What you do hold is the aesthetic that resonates within you and so you’re more attuned to spotting the gems.

More often than not I leave things for other people to find. When David and I first moved out, nearly everything was from the side of the road or charity shops. Everything is useful. The trick is to see what you need and take only that.

I have put out as many items as I have collected. Good things that I knew would be exciting for a roadside raider to find. Sometimes, and this might be considered odd, I would listen to people find things on my front nature strip. Once a man knocked on my door, telling me he was a refugee, and could he buy the single white bed out the front for his daughter who was sleeping on the floor.

“Hell no!” I stated. “I don’t want none of that sad refugee business here. You want a bed for your floor sleeping kid? You gotta earn it!” (I was living in Brighton at the time, a heavy liberal influence meant I turned into a cunt).

No, that didn’t happen. He was given the bed, a set of cute sheets my daughter deemed too babyish and girly, and a bedside table with spongbob stickers on the side. And I helped him put it in the car.

Hard rubbish connects us. We all have the same needs, wants, and crap in our house, but what is one level of crap for me, is a goldmine for someone else.

So slow down, take a look, and if you’re lucky you might mind that thing you’ve been looking for and you didn’t realise it until you saw it down your street.

Happy hunting, bunnies.




Before I speak, I have something important to say.


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