Motherly musings

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Mother’s Day seems to be one of those celebrations you love or hate. Personally, I love it, because my kids make an effort, I do nothing, and adhere to my “I make the rules for Mother’s Day” rule!

Today meant breakfast out at a cafe of my choice, and then a competition of Uno which resulted in yelling and general profanity, resulting in my brother winning and pissing off my daughter until she won a hand, and order was restored.

For many people Mother’s Day is painful. Perhaps you didn’t have children. Perhaps you were raised by a shitty mother. Perhaps you are a shitty mother. I get it.  Mother’s Day isn’t for everyone.

Mothering isn’t easy but then neither is brain surgery. Mothering isn’t always rewarding, but then neither is being a paramedic. In my opinion, mothering is just another job where it is vital you don’t mess it up as there are human lives in the balance. It’s  just another part of who you are but it’s not everything. I am happy that I had kids, but I also think I would find happiness in being childless. My life is good with and without children.

It’s just another part of who you are but not everything. I am happy that I had kids, but I also think I would find happiness in being childless. My life is good with or without children.

I think it’s vital to have a life outside your life as a parent. It changes the way your children look at you. Respected, admired and being a decent role model are all good things to be.

Sometimes I look at women who make their whole existence being a parent and I worry for them. What happens when their children leave home? What will they do? What do they put their energy into? Because children leave.

First, they leave emotionally and then they leave physically and there’s not a damn thing you should do about it and nor should you. That’s your job. Show them the ropes, then wipe their faces, and smooth down their hair and send them on their way.

Two close friends of my children both reached out and said thank you to me today. For being there for them more than their own mothers who didn’t know how to deal with what was happening in their children’s lives during a shitty time.  For listening, for getting them through the worst times of their life. I accepted their thanks but reminded them that their mothers are human. They did the best they could with what they had at the time. Not all mothers can deal with dirty subjects like suicide, and abuse. But then I’ve never waded in the shallows of life. I like my waters dark and deep, where I make friends with the sharks and listen to the whale songs on Spotify.

But God knows I’ve failed as much as I’ve succeeded in parenting, as I have in everything in my life.

I like being a mother to my kids. I like being a writer. I like being a sister. I like being a friend, a daughter, and a shit stirrer. I like being me. No role takes precedence over another. I just make a fuss of Mother’s Day so I don’t have to unpack the dishwasher. Why? Because above all else, I’m a lazy bitch!

Happy lazy bitch day. xx

 

 

 

 

How to stop worrying about your shit life, and become chill and other stuff

I subscribe to a lot of self-help emails, and I read none of them because I don’t have time, and mostly they seem to be  the same information over and over with tips such as:

  • Drink water
  • Meditate
  • Say no

All valid points, but something I don’t do at all, hence, why I am dehydrated, on 200mg of Zoloft, and currently being treated for ineffectual adrenal glands that have run out of puff.

I guess I subscribed to these emails because I was hoping for the silver bullet, or just a bullet in general, to put me out of my misery but none was forthcoming and now I just have a full inbox reminding me I’m shit at reading emails and I need to stop throwing my email address around like a male virgin at a strip club with a fist full of dollars.

But I’m not so bad. I did say no twice last week, and didn’t take on some crap I heard about, from someone who knew someone who said something shit about something, and I did what the doctor said about rest, and had three good days out of seven.

This week I’m aiming for four good days, starting tomorrow, as today already seems to be a bust.

But I’m not depressed. Do you know why?

Subscribe to my blog posts and I will give you the answer every morning, straight to your inbox, while you’re in the outhouse.

No, I won’t, because I don’t have the answer, and I wouldn’t burden you with my bullshit EVERY morning.

I can only offer you this thing I did that helped me in the last week.

I worked out my values and have aligned my life towards those.

I did mine here- http://www.onlinepersonalitytests.org/corevalues 

Don’t bother with giving them your email, as it just spits your top three values back and you, along with daily emails that are now cluttering my inbox. (Is there a Kondo method for emails?)

Then, I looked at my life. Did my activities match my values?

Some things yes, some no. Then I decluttered my priorities.

Watching weird Italian films about art and despair in a beautiful setting hits several of my values. Spending time with my children and husband at the gallery also hits my v-spot. Rearranging furniture, and cleaning my house tickles my fancy, as does having a bunch of flowers in the hallway and lighting a beautiful candle. Reading about the past, makes me happy, and learning new things thrills me no end. I realised these make me happy because they resonate with my values.

I then made a screensaver for my phone of my values and every time I look at my phone, I am reminded of them, and I ask myself if I am living by them.

This doesn’t mean I’m shirking responsibility from everything that doesn’t meet my values. I still have a conscious, and I’m not a complete asshole. I know I am a privileged bitch but it is making life a little easier, and I am finding that being aware of what makes me content, or feel safe, aligns with my values.

Here are some ideas for screensavers I made in Canva.

And now I am about to go into, what my husband calls, my 1970’s coach mode, when I say it like it is.

Go and do the quiz, then make your screensaver or whatever, and then shut the fuck up when you do something you didn’t want to do but didn’t have the guts to say no. And don’t tell me I didn’t tell you  how to say ‘no’ because I did! Work out your values and live by them. Got it? Good.

xoxxo

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

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