The weirdest things happen to me. Not all of them pleasant and some, frankly, would be at home on a Twilight Zone episode. Now I consider it all to be grist for the mill but my life is whack sometimes. To support this argument, the following is some of the weirdest things that have happened to me or I have seen:
- I once sat next to an Indian Prince on the way back from an overseas trip. He was drunk when he got on the flight and proceeded to get more inebriated as the flight went on, drinking Billecart-Salmon Brut. He wept on my shoulder telling me his marriage split up after six weeks because his wife, also an Indian princess, had left him after he asked her to put the kettle on. He also divulged to me that he planned on killing himself when he arrived at his destination. We talked for seven hours straight. He hugged me when we disembarked and told my husband I was a guardian angel. I am not, I just listened. I don’t know what happened to him.
- Once I was punched in the back of the head while wheeling my daughter in a pram along Elizabeth Street. The police told me he wanted to get a night in the cells as hail was forecast for the night. I didn’t drop the charges till the next day, after the hail had passed.
- I witnessed a man fall from a cherry picker fixing a tramline. My husband stopped a tram, superhero like, from running him over by parking his car in front of the tram. I stayed with the man until ambo’s arrived, keeping his warm with the cardigan I was wearing. He survived but had a significant head injury.
- Once I was driving down the dirty end of Chapel Street and saw a two year old on a plastic bike trying to cross the road with no luck. I pulled over and watched him and no adult came. I waited for ten minutes and still no adult came. I took him to the police station and left my number. His mother arrived soon after. He was a Houdini according to mum who could undo any lock at any height. What surprised me was that no one else stopped to see if he was ok while I watched him. People are dicks.
- One New Years Eve, I saw a man in stilts and a top hat getting boarding a train into the city. An odd image. When I went home at 2 am, I saw a man up the road grouting his brick fence, using light from a standard lamp with a very pretty shade which was run by an extension cord from the house out onto the nature strip. Yep. Weird.
- When I was fifteen, I saw Michael Caine on the street in London. I ran up to him and asked if he was who I thought he was. I had just seen Hannah and Her Sisters and I loved him and his E.E Cumming’s poetry. He was noble and charming and didn’t brush my fangirl gushes away instead he asked what shows I was going to see on the West End. I told him Starlight Express. He looked appalled but said nothing to his credit. I am still ashamed.
- Last year I saw someone trying to steal a fridge by tying it to the back of their car and driving off with it clunking down the street behind them. She was arrested for most stupid attempt at stealing a fridge on record in the State of Victoria.
- One Sunday, while strolling in Block Arcade in Melbourne, I saw a woman window shopping with no pants on. Yes, you read right. She was wearing no pants and no underwear. Shoes, yes, a top, yes a handbag but her lady parts and bottom was on full display. I know I was not the only one who saw this. People were in shock around me. I screamed laughing with a tourist from New Zealand. Still makes me laugh to think about it. Perhaps she was shopping for pants?
True stories, all of them.
Happy Monday Moonbeams.