I have been thinking of starting up a new social network called Realbook.
This is where we write down what really goes on out head, lives and bodies.
For example, status updates could read;
I’m on the toilet while I write this. I shouldn’t have had the extra snag at Bunnings.
I just had great sex with my wife but in my head, she was Megan Fox.
I wish we didn’t have the third kid. I really don’t like them.
Oi, XXXX *Insert name* bitch, I dont give a fuck if you don’t wanna friend me, we all hate you anyway.
So and so’s *again, insert name* kids is really annoying.
I think your job is a wank, a massive toss grabbing wank.
I married the wrong girl. She knows it and agrees but we’re too lazy to do shit about it.
Can you imagine?
Combine this with the ugly photos that you would never upload. The ones wehere you are half closing your eyes like you’re on the nod or have pate in your teeth and look like Ron Moody as Fagin.
Throw in where you really check in, not just the cool places. I am at the STD clinic. I am at the schmorschmortion clinic. I am at Kitten’s Car Wash. I am at Coles where I am slowing dying inside from the unreleased potential which is making my blood thicken and will cause death by Aisle 9. I am on my neighbours cock.
I’m just sayin’… Jeeesh.
But you’ read wouldn’t you. I would.
Occasionally I have caught myself thinking of uploading inappropriate Facebook status updates and then I acknowledge my moment of Facebook Tourettes and stop.
I’m always happy when other people don’t self monitor on FB. Makes me laugh. But how good would Realbook be?
Bring it on Zuckerberg. I dare you.