Yesterday, on a trip to the beach, my family and I were discussing their highlights of 2011.
The moments that stuck out in your mind that shifted your perspective, pushed your life in a new direction and cemented your hopes, ideas or feelings.
I had two. I know two over twelve months doesn’t seem like much but mind you, I had a few years there where nothing was going on, so I consider two an excellent crop.
The first one was getting another book deal. A significant one, which means now I write fulltime. No freelancing or hustling. I asked my agent a year ago, how do I get to write full-time. She told me to be patient. Not everyone can do it. She knew I wanted it, she helped me find the opportunity. For this I am beyond grateful and to my new editor, who is my type of girl. Tough, unyielding and straight up with the good and the bad. I’m working hard to please her.
The second one was so significant, it still blows me away but I’m mindful of not being an asshole and hurting anyone I love, so I will talk about this in veiled terms.
Twelve years ago, I knew a close friend of mine was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. Like huge, so much so that before she took the plunge, I asked her if she was sure, I expressed my concerns, she brushed them away due to her being in the pink bubble.
Slowly the friendship disintegrated, I withdrew, she was pulled away, the decision she made divided us. I couldn’t watch what I knew was going to happen. I saw the writing on the wall so many times. I cried a lot and ended up having therapy about what was coming her way.
Does friendship means having to watch your friend be ground down to a pulp, even if they don’t want to go/listen/open their eyes? Then what can you do?
So I walked.
It was best decision we could make at the time but I know it hurt me so much, I assume it hurt her also. I loved her, I still do.
Meanwhile, our lives move on and I question myself everyday for the first five years as to whether I should have stood by her. I do some more therapy, slowly heal and then one day we see each other again and it’s fine. Ten years pass and it’s okay.
And then it’s really fine. Fun even. We chat a few times at events of mutual friends. She’s okay. There is a rapprochement between us but something has changed in her. I can sense it, similar to when you know your teen daughter is lying. Something was afoot and I could sense it. I know her so well, I could see cracks where she had broken and where she had tried to glue herself back together.
And then it happened. I had been out her life for so long but the person who pushed us apart drew me back in for the last moment of the drama. The last hurrah intended to wound the person we both loved.
I don’t know what their intention was when they dragged me in but whatever the motivation, it made me love her more. All the pain and loss of friendship over the years shifted and none of it mattered. Instead I rang her up and said, ‘I’m here.’
We spoke, for hours, a few times. She is okay. She is here and safe and that’s all I wanted for her. To be safe.
Now the dust has settled somewhat, I drove past somewhere that used to mean something to us both yesterday. I looked around and said, ‘I cant believe that it fell apart the way it did. I can’t believe I was proved so right in a such a shitty way.’
For twelve years I think people thought I was an idiot. People told me so, saying I was over reacting, that I was possessive, jealous, competitive, had issues, and on and on it went. No, I was none of those things, I just saw it for what it was.
I wanted to say to people, you wait, you will see how right I was, you will all know I was right. *shakes fist at the sky*
But when I was proved right, my friend was hurt and I wished I was wrong. I wished I was wrong and everyone else was right.
I am an opinionated little Taurean. We have trouble not saying what we see and then freaking out at the consequences afterwards. We want to say, when we are proved right, ‘I told you so,’ but at what cost?
So the lesson is that love transcends being right. Being right doesn’t matter a jot, just as long as everyone is okay.
As the image above says ‘being right is a fulltime job’. I have a fulltime job now. I am writer, not a righter. (See what I did there? I turned it it around, do you why? Cos I’m a writer! Bam!)