This is how it’s gonna go…

  • Gillard will win over Rudd. It will take Labor another ten years to earn back the respect and trust of the Australian public. Rudd will have a meltdown, like Latham and may even take to his own hair with clippers. (Dude, Rudd looks like he’s crazy. Hey, I voted for him and it seems I voted for a bully. I’m disappointed in myself.)
  • Clooney will lose to Jean Dujardin. He will be glib about it but seething inside. This means we will have to put up with more moody acting from Clooney until he gets what he came for goddamnit.
  • Pitt and Jolie will act as though they would rather be wearing flap jackets and saving the world. Their boredom is a front. Pitt wants that statue. He won’t get it for Moneyball. He will win, he is a great actor but not tonight.
  • We will see Marchesa. We will see Reem Acra. We will see fishtail dresses and Heidi Klum. (I don’t know why she is there either.)
  • I feel like there might be a surprise win, Melissa McCarthy for Bridesmaids or Viola Davis outrunning Meryl. I think Meryl would be cool with this decision. Michelle Williams wants it too much or is that Harvey Weinstein wanting it for her? Either way, I hated the GQ article and photos. Disappointed in her.
  • Billy Crystal will be amusing but not edgy, that’s what Ricky Gervais is for. Will Billy make reference to his almost predecessor, Eddie Murphy and the Brett Ratnor debacle. I hope he doesn’t mention the Karkrashians. I hate them so much, it hurts me.
  • I hope Bret McKenzie sings the nominated song from the Muppets.
  • I am gonna write something amazing today.
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