Beauty: A Bitchin’ Figure

Before Photoshop there was illustration, so please stop bitching about the way magazine images are altered nowadays. Every time I get onto a so-called ‘women’s interest’ site, they bitch and moan about Photoshop and the way we look at ourselves. These sites also offer a lot of makeup advice and dieting ideas. Okay…

A friend of mine recently said we should start a magazine called – TOTAL BITCH© Our story ideas are endless.

How to be a total bitch. Look like a bitch. Bitch and moan – sex advice. I’m a bitch, you’re a bitch. Raising little bitches. Bitchin’ fashion.

I digress, anyway. Here are the original photos for pin-up artists to do the drawings of the women. Look, waists are smaller, smiles brighter and boobs bigger. Who needs Photoshop? Why not try Pencilshop!

Here are the best ones:

A bitch with a little bitch and note the tiny waist and long hair. Always the better option for catchin’ your man.

A bitch with a hounddog beggin’ at her feet.

Bitches be hawt.

Do you hunt? Only for bargains. Look at this savvy bitch and her shopping spoils. Clever bitch.

And Eve climbed the ladder and took the apple from the tree…bitch.

Bitch built herself a house. The calligraphy spells out ‘whore’ in Mandarin Chinese.

Bitches like to be slippery on slides. Check out the hounddogs cowboy boots in the photo. He’s out roping bitches.

Wanted: A Bitch.

‘No Fat Bitches’ is a sticker I once read on a car. ‘No dumb C*nts’ is what I now have on my car. Cos’ I’m a bitch.

Bitches will pop your corn and them some.

When it’s hot, bitches like to put sprinklers up their skirts. True story.

Happy Monday bitches.

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