I am hopeless at looking after myself but exceptionally good at looking after others. Before you think this is about to be one of those, ‘Pity Me’ posts, I ask you to stick with me for a while.
I’m feeling run down, tired and low on words. After dropping off my Spiritual Business book to a new age stockist, I asked if they had a good relaxation massage therapist on staff. Not only did they have one but she would be free in an hour and a half, and she was very reasonable priced.
Not excuses Kate. So I booked.
That hour and a half wait was torturous as I though about all the reasons I shouldn’t go. Luckily it was only an 90 minutes because I would have cancelled if it were longer. I do this. I cancel on myself all the time.
Here’s the first thing that came up for me while I drooled through the hole in the table.
Then the self talk during the start of the massage was hideous. A series of reasons popped up as to why I am not worthy of that moment and how I could improve my life. The list of what I SHOULD be doing ran through my head. So many ‘shoulds’ that I wanted to punch myself in the head just so I could think ab0out something else for a moment.
Then my thoughts slowed down and I began to let them come in and go again. I didn’t pay much attention to them after a while, instead trying to stay present in the touch.
I thought about quote by Marianne Williamson that my friend put on his Facebook pages yesterday.
The fear-based ego uses two weapons against us: focus on the past, and focus on the future.
It resonated with me all day. I have been very focussed on what I haven’t done right in my life, what I should have done and what I should better do in the future. It’s all ego talk.
I don’t really care why I do it, I just want to stop.
The best piece of advice I have seen for this problem is to manage stress by thinking through what’s necessary rather than doing what feels necessary.
And then all I can do is be aware and let the thoughts come and go. Focus on the touch of hands and do what’s right for the greater good at the right time.