Lifestyle: Rich People Rule(s)

Yesterday was a public holiday in Melbourne, to celebrate gambling with the duel events of The Melbourne Cup and an Oz Lotto prize of $100 Million.

So it seemed appropriate  that we spend the day with the wealthy in Portsea.

Let me state first up, I am not well off, rich, or even wealthy. Well off is $5 mm. Wealthy is $10 mm. Super Rich is $50 mm+.  So seeing the crazy rich spectacle up close always satisfies my inner sociologist.

After a friend stated on Monday, that it was becoming increasingly more difficult to see the difference between hipster and homeless, my daughter followed up yesterday that if people are a bit whacko and on a low income, you’re considered crazy, but on a high income, you’re just eccentric.

There are very few like this in Melbourne but those who have it enjoy it. As my grandmother used to say, ‘Spend it now,  cos you’re dead a long time.’

There are rules around this type of money. Clothing, schooling, food, wine and artwork. If you don’t know, you can be taught but it will take another generation for you to be accepted. Your kids will benefit, provided you do the right thing by them with their networks and don’t ruin it by wearing a heavily monogrammed Gucci loafer. *slaps self in face*

The shibboleth of the rich abounds. A shibboleth is a linguistic password, or in the wealthy’s world, often a visual password that shows the imposters or foreigners amongst them. The group making the identfication has some kind of social power to set the standards for who belongs to their group: who is “in” and who is “out”. Reverse snobbery in action.

So for those who may have won yesterday, here are some of the rich people rules I learned and that thought I might share with you to make your entry to the 1% easier:

  • Do not buy Hermes/Versace china. It’s tacky, bad quality and reeks of hotels. Pillivuyt is more than acceptable for everyday use. Williams Sonoma are now shipping to Australia. Do it.
  • Serve wine in huge glasses. Accept glass. Make a joke about a goldfish, get laughs, get another invitation.
  • Lululemon is to exercise wear, what Hummers are to cars.
  • You can talk about sex at lunch but not money.
  • You can talk about money during sex. Lots of deals are made this way although that’s usually between the husband and wife.
  • Never marry for money. Instead go where the rich people are and marry for love.
  • Green, manicured lawns are a symbol of everything that is good in this world. The better the lawn, the better the portfolio.
  • Artistic (writers, artists, actors) people are fun to have around. Think court jesters for the boring Kings and Queens.
  • You must collect something. This collection will be your legacy. Think obscure cars, art, antique pill boxes or even film posters. *Sports memorabilia doesn’t count).
  • Do not post photos of the view showing your feet on holiday. It’s tacky. We don’t care you’re on a holiday because everyday is a holiday in our world.
  • Always look for a bargain. Always. Don’t allow yourself to be cheated out of a special just because your rich. F*ck them!
  • Be random in what you spend your money on. For example, the wealthy franchise owner who washes his own Bentley because he can and refuses to pay $40 for a car and vacuum, yet he buys a Bentley.
  • Don’t gamble anything unless you’re prepared to lose it. And don’t bitch if you do lose.
  • Oligarchy rules so ignore politics because the wealthy makes the rules anyway. More can be done through philanthropy than through politics.

It’s exhausting isn’t it?

Maybe it’s better being financially challenged and living without rules?

I’ll leave you with this. Frank Ocean set to Super Rich Kids of Instagram pictures.

Happy Monday Savers.

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