I moved house last week, so it’s taken me a week to summon the strength to blog. I did something weird to my right hand and I haven’t been able to type. I also now have two flights of stairs, and my calves are aching like a russian gymnast after training but gee, it’s a gorgeous house.
1. I am strong and I am motivated, in the right circumstances.
The past three years has been tough, due to a dose of clinical depression that sucked my mojo out of me, and left me as an overweight, emotional exoskeleton, curled up in the corner of the sofa. If I had to give my sofa an award, it would be for best supporting piece of furniture. Instead of giving it an award, I have given it a new home.
In the past week I have done more physically than I have done for the past three years. It’s an odd feeling but good, as though I am coming back into myself somehow.
One of the worst side effects of depression is the inertia that comes from medication and the chemical imbalance, but eventually it was hard to know what was chemical and what was pure shiftlessness. Having depression is like having a baby, it gives you an excuse for avoiding many things but eventually, you have to get up and tend to its needs.
This week I remembered I am strong, I’m a hard worker and have boundless energy when I am inspired.
2. I am lost without my talismans.
Our real estate agent told us to declutter our house to make it look more spacious.
I put away everything that meant something or had an value. All identifying photos of Dave and I were packed up, leaving out only the cute ones of the kids, when they look like every other kid, round faced and optimistic.
The house looked lovely, but unfamiliar without my periapts of the past.
This week I have carefully unwrapped my special items, placing them in their new home, refamiliarising myself with them again and feeling their energy again.
I like wandering past items that mean something. Before we sold out house, I had a huge sale on eBay, deleting items from my home that I didn’t like, things that weren’t useful or attractive. What is in my home now is what I love, as it should be.
(Except for these satay sticks. These were the death of me. I will never eat satay again. I nearly stabbed myself in the eye with them mid move, just to experience a new type of pain.)
3. I am a bitch.
The moving company told us one truck and three men would be enough to do the move. It wasn’t. There was still another half a truck of items to move and Dave started trying to work out how to get it across to the new home. ‘We could get our own truck,’ he said to me.
‘Fuck that noise,’ I said, feeling my aching back witching at the thought of moving more stuff ourselves.
I rang the company and asked them how they would solve it for us. I made it their problem. In two hours they sent another truck and another three men and we were fully moved.
Then the internet company said they couldn’t get our cable on as requested. I took the phone off Dave, who was being really nice, because he is really nice and I asked them how they would fix this as we both work from home . I reminded them they had two weeks notice to get it ready for us. I was a bitch. I didn’t care. The internet was on within twenty minutes.
You know why?
Feel free to drop by. I will have the kettle on and the Aviv biscuits at the ready.
Life is good.