This is a message for the teenagers who read my books.
Guess what? You aren’t alone in stupid sh*t you might have done, worn or said, up to this point in your life.
Just because there isn’t photo to remind me of some of my less proud moments, doesn’t mean it’s not burned into my memory like a Polaroid, with filters and mental hashtags.
I often think girls and guys have it harder now than when I was young because the grapevine was spoken only, not online. The rumors were slower to spread and by the time they were out, someone new had done something more stupid and you were safe.
So in honor of being truthful and open, here is a list of the ten things I did that I wish I didn’t do, and I am really glad there wasn’t a phone camera around at the time.
1. Flirt endlessly with a guy on the train line for months, say yes to attending his formal with him, then leave event with his best friend
2. Wear MC Hammer pants to casual clothes day.
3. Think Limahl’s haircut would look good and not at all like a boy.
4. While going through a vintage clothes stage, wear an all green outfit, including silk dress, green faux Chanel jacket and velvet hat. Get mistaken for tram conductor and asked for a Zone One ticket.
5. Think that I was really good at using Puff Paint on a t-shirt, making it arty n’ sh*t and then wear said item in public.
6. Get drunk for the first time on Stones Green Ginger Wine at a cast party, vomit all the next day at school.
7. Make prank calls to shy kids in my history class and pretend to be Regan from The Exorcist. Not funny and not a great impression either.
8. Read pretentious Penguin Classics in public, even though my favorite books were by Jackie Collins.
9. Throw an entire giant cup of Fanta over the cute guy in front of me, when scared sh*tless during the movie, Alien.
10. Order a ham and pineapple sandwich on a first date, not cut it in half and have pineapple ring fall out and land perfectly on one boob.
See? I was a massive idiot at times and I survived. You will too and one day, you can tell your teenage kid that you did stupid sh*it also, and you have the photos to prove it.