Yesterday I ate six cinnamon donuts in ten minutes, while simultaneously crying and driving to the hospital to see my brother. Then I felt sick, filled with carbs and self hatred. Talk about eating your feelings.

Not even the sight of two alpaca’s in reindeer hats lifted my spirits. Normally I would be thrilled at Push-Me-Pull-You’s wandering the streets of Hawthorn, instead I was absorbed by the Fuck-Me-Fuck-You feeling that was wandering about my head.

Then I went to the isolation ward at the hospital, where I tried not to lose my shit in front of the bro, and to some extent I succeeded but I looked like an uncommunicative asshole, yawning, checking my phone. Like an alpaca with an attitude problem.

Then I went home and watched TV, ate pasta, felt sick,  then went to bed and cried for a while. I cried so much my dog Bert howled. It was super weird. He’s such a needy animal.  Whereas I’m just a greedy animal.

If you need me today, I will be in bed, planning my death or a new book, I’m unsure which. Both are equally as painful.

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “”

  1. We all do it! And I know those alpacas, they live around the corner from me and weird me out every time I drive past:) Be kind to yourself, I think we could all cut ourselves some slack. Oh, and don’t forget that you’re AWESOME so no plotting your own demise xo

  2. I’ve seen Alpacas with attitude issues, happy alpacas, grumpy alpacas, cheeky alpacas, funny alpacas, even alpacas that like a good close up – check out this one… http://instagram.com/p/svDl4RjWTW/?modal=true! We, like alapcas, have our shit days where we just need to sob all the sadness out to make room for new good stuff to come in, and also to help us build our strength to deal again with the next minute, hour, day, week… No one can stay strong and happy ALL the time. I find chocolate or anything with sugar really is a good feeling stuffer… and you know what, I reckon eating your feelings under huge stress is ok, there are way worse things you can do with them so go buy some donuts and make yourself a cuppa – and remind yourself it’s ok to do that shit sometimes! sending hugs x

  3. I’m with you bear loves dove, there are far worse things we can do than chocolate or donuts in shit times and I’ve definitely resorted to my old friend – chocolate & carb fest – many a time. You are awesome. Sending love and heartfelt hugs x

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