Tapping in to self

This was the best weekend I have had in a very long time.

No, I didn’t got to The Fat Duck, or hang out with people who have Moet on tap, or wear the latest ‘on point’ outfit, nor hang out with ‘the girls’ at the latest Broadsheet worthy venue, then boast about my hangover on Facebook.

Let me go back a step.

For the past five months my weekends have been  hectic, traumatic and exhausting. Ever since my father became ill and died, and my brother got a diagnosis of a rare cancer, and I became his full time carer, I have either been between my parents house which is nearly three hours by car, or at the hospital, which is 45 mins away.

This weekend, I went nowhere.

My brother is still in hospital, finishing the treatment for the latest and hopefully last round of chemo and my mother is busy packing up her home, soon to move to new horizons.

So I did the unthinkable, I did what I wanted for entire day.

The state and or age of my life has created a need to soothe myself in ways that speak to my soul. I could have bathed and given myself a facial at home, or read the accumulating  pile of books on my bedside table.

I didn’t need to be pampered, or wined or dined. I didn’t need anything else than reassuring practicality.

First I cleaned the house from top to bottom, including changing the bedsheets on all the beds. Then watered my plants. Next came the trip supermarket and a proper shop. A visit to the chemist, then home, where I cleaned out three boxes of crap in the garage before I made a slow cooked bolognese sauce for dinner.

Later, I ate my pasta while curled up on the sofa, and watching some cosy crime, I looked forward to my early night in clean sheets, listening to the rain fall on the roof.

My life may not be as glamorous as some, nor as the characters in my books but the reward of being organised, self nurtured and cleaning my little part of the world was just what I needed.

I feel sated, ready for my week and calm.

And yes, I am a Taurus.



6 thoughts on “Tapping in to self”

  1. Good for you! Oh yes, a proper shop – had forgotten about those.
    There really is nothing quite like the feeling of getting your shit together at home and feeling organised is there? Cleaning out my pantry was a highlight of my summer!
    Hope it carries you through the week 🙂 x

  2. I love those words “reassuring practicality”. Good on you for doing exactly what you wanted on the weekend. It’s extremely draining to be in a situation like your’s. I have been in a similar long term situation with a family member and it’s so exhausting. Sometimes I found that doing mundane tasks like chopping veggies for dinner or even ironing freed my mind of obsessive worry – at least for a while. I hope you can find more time soon to look after yourself.

  3. Hi Kate,
    Firstly, I don’t have the shit to deal with that you do at the moment (but I’ve been there in the past)
    I do however, have a full time job, a demanding boss, a full time husband, not so demanding and a fledgling blog that can often demand attention as well as any toddler. A couple of weeks ago, sick to the back teeth of the voices telling me how much stuff I had to do, I also took a day, out of my life just for me. I did exactly what I wanted to, not what I felt I should do, not what anyone else thought I should be doing and it was fabulous. Time alone is underrated and clean sheets should never be taken for granted. I’m glad you had that day-those are the days that give us the fortitude to get through the others.

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