How to speak wellness

Within the many articles from major media outlets about the state of  ‘wellness’ culture post Bellegate, there are numerous quotes from those who are now under the media microscope. What is apparent is the language that’s used over and over by these so called ‘experts’ is bullshit.

Here is my lexicon of wellness speak and what it actually means.

Game changer – A term used for someone who thinks they are doing something important as opposed to someone who actually is doing something important.

Head scratcher – A problem to be solved, or in the everyday world, dandruff.

Bombs – Truth bombs, inspiration bombs, beauty bombs. Bombs are now used to replace the word hint. Does this mean that every bomb that has been dropped in the Middle East is just a hint?

Hacks – AKA Shortcuts. What’s wrong with shortcut as a word? It’s not cool enough for this digital hipsters.

Warrior – The leader of a ‘movement’ which most people think is bullshit so they give themselves a title to make themselves feel righteous and important, as though they are leading a great war against mankind.

Tribe – The people who follow the warrior blindly, not realising that the term is condescending and that they are seen as worker bees of the Queen Bee.

Community – See above, although somewhat less condescending but certainly cult like.

Inspo – Shortened version of the word inspiration, often seen with a hashtag and attached to an eating disorder.

Authentic –  It’s supposedly a moral compass but where is north anymore?  This word has been abused so much that it means nothing to people.

Follow your truth – A way of saying that you and your actions aren’t to be questioned, because it’s your truth, no matter how it affects others.

Clean living – Not putting anything bad into your body but then lecturing people around you on what to eat and what a cacao nib can do for you.

Pressed juice – Expensive juice that’s been created by pressing the fruit and vegetables between stainless steel plates. It’s also a status symbol, like bespoke plates for your European car.

Natural healing – Avoidance of science and medicine for reasons that the belief the body can heal itself.

Blessed – The belief that a benevolent God or Univeral Force thinks you’re more entitled to good things than others. Apparently luck has nothing to do with where you were born or the privilege you were given through health or education, it’s because you’re special, more special than everyone else.

Superfood – A food that can cure everything, especially cancer. It’s aka with a high content of everything that’s good for you. The cancer claims

Guru – Someone who speaks louder and more confidently than others.

Reaching out – A way of manipulating people into doing what you want due to the helplessness nature of the context.

Foodie – People who think they know more about food than you yet everything they learned was from Masterchef and MKR.

Detox – A process of denying yourself pretty much everything you like. AKA self-punishment.

And there you have the language of wellness. Now you can proselytise from your ivory tower while drinking your pressed juice and sticking a cafe latte up your bum.








One thought on “How to speak wellness”

  1. I work in the community sector and after many years I admit I have become a sucker for jargon – but some of your “glossary” did make me laugh! I love when the expert I mean blogger 😉 tries to make a post out of using only these words – it really is so void of content…I get language evolves with cultural trends, and some of these terms are validly used in my day to day work. In real situations and they make sense and often soften the path service delivery (which is in most cases confronting for the client) – I guess if it really bothered me, I would get mad at how these bloggers have minimised and disempowered the terms. But looking around, it seems they are the very undoing of themselves !

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