A long time birthday stress head, I have shifted into this Solar Return with relative grace, compared to other years.
I always felt intense pressure around my birthday to be something or do something that was enough. Enough for who? Who cares?
God, I’m so nuts sometimes.
Now I’m well into my forties and it’s not as painful as I expected.
Life never is never as painful nor as happy as you thought it would be. It’s just life. Yesterday I said to a girlfriend, “At this age we’re either dealing with a marriage breakup or an aged or ill parent.”
Impermanence is in everything. Things break, including people, but it doesn’t mean the love isn’t infinite.
Last night I dreamed of my father, who waved at me from a hospital bed. When I think about it today, my eyes hurt with unshed tears but I won’t cry on my birthday. Not good karma.
Instead, I will dive in and say yes to the things that are heading my way. I want them to happen, and for me to enjoy them for a while.
Don’t live your life in the shallows. Be brave and go down further, that’s where the most luminous pearls are.