All posts by kateforster

Writer.

Real Ways to Navigate A Crisis

Life can be hard. Particularly as we get older, the shitstorm comes all at once. Money issues, kids having teen issues, aging parents, relationship drama, career crap. It is intense.

As my wise mother says, ‘Everyone gets a turn.’ Noone is immune to the Ferris Wheel of Hard Times.

While there are many guides to self-improvement and ways to get more from your shitty life, or how to manage the crap hand you’re currently playing, I have found them to be condescending and pretty useless. Yes I know we should eat well, and meditate but what if things are beyond that.  There are somethings kale can’t fix.

As an elixir to this, I have written a self-protection and self-care guide for really hard times. All this advice has been hard earned and comes with a sincere wish that whatever is happening for you right now, will soon pass.

  1. Do not engage with other people’s drama’s when you’re going through your own. You only have enough energy for you right now. If they don’t get this, too bad.
  2. Do not take on guilt about why things are the way they are. Awful things happen and unless you murdered someone, then chances are you’re not to blame.
  3. Know what your triggers are.  This means curating what books you read, what films you watch and where you spend your time and whom with. Do not watch a show about what you’re currently dealing with. It’s just going to set you off. Don’t go to the place where you did that thing with the person you loved who is no longer in your life. It’s just going to make you sad right now.
  4. If you’re not sleeping, go to the doctor and get something to reset your sleep. Don’t waste time. Sleep is everything, It’s how we clean out our noodles of bullshit and process what’s happening.
  5. Know what makes you feel better. And I don’t mean alcohol or drugs. A home-cooked meal, or the washing machine murmuring in the laundry, or making your bed every morning, or going to the library. Whatever it is, do more of it.
  6. Sometimes you just have to push through. Because if you stop, you will fall down and never get up again. Just keep going. I advise listening to podcasts, music, audiobooks, all carefully curated of course. Sometimes being alone with your thoughts is neither helpful or healthy.
  7. Find the right person to debrief to. Could be a doctor, therapist, nurse, friend, distant relative, next door neighbor. You need to talk it out, and the right one is invaluable.
  8. Find your own form of meditation. Could be sewing, knitting, gardening, woodwork, cleaning, walking. You know what works for you.
  9. And finally, accept offers of love, and support and help. You’re worthy of it, I promise. And in time things will turn around for you, and you pass that help on. That’s the rule.
  10. It’s okay to not leave the house or shower every day. This is your crisis. Don’t try and meet other people’s expectations of how you should be managing.

Sending love and I hope whatever you’re going through right now becomes lighter and brighter soon.

 

Kate

x

Advertisements

A Feminist Headache

I have a headache from the unfairness of it all.

The men who said women should be decorative objects with skills in creating decorative arts and nothing more.

The men who said we couldn’t vote.

The men who wouldn’t let us run in the marathon, or for office, or for the right to choose for our bodies.

The men who drowned the female babies at birth.

The men who ran us over when we asked to vote.

The men who put us in asylums when we complained about the inequality of it all.

The men who claim we’re insane when we bleed.

The men who insisted we either bear children or become nuns.

The men who call us fat when they disagree with us.

The men who claim women aren’t funny.

The supposedly funny men masturbating in dressing rooms in front of frozen, frightened women.

The men who demand silence during and after the unwanted act in the street, the office, the bedroom, the bar, the carpark.

The men who call us names from cars.

The men who say, ‘Not all men.’

The men who compete with us and hate us when we win.

The men who won’t pay for their children’s shoes because they hate the mother.

The men who are bald and doughy, yet tell a woman she is ugly if she won’t have sex with him.

The men who don’t make other men accountable.

The men who don’t listen when a woman says they are scaring them.

The men who won’t pay the same for a day’s work.

The men who say they are ‘babysitting’ their own children.

The men who claim they love their wives but fuck the young girl at the work function.

The men who claim they are feminists yet watch and laugh at women trying to pay their rent by doing sex acts in a bar.

The men who make statements about what sort of men their daughters can date or marry, as though the girls will not be able to make up their own minds.

The men who tell women they are not enough for a job, so must give sexual favours to be considered enough for the job.

The men who say they want their wife to be a stay at home mother, yet doesn’t contribute to her super fund the same as he does his own.

The men who hate women with power.

The men who hate women with a voice.

The men who hate women.

I’m tired but not defeated. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. Never give up. Never apologise for being a woman.  This is our time.