Because my blog is really just a journal that I leave open on the kitchen table for passersby to leaf through, this post is being written without fear or favor.
It is three hours until 2018, and I doubt anyone will be reading a blog post on New Year’s Eve.
So I will tell you things.
My year has been about work and will carry over for the next year and the year after that. I have enormous pressure on me, but us Taureans are built to stand long days drifting into the evening.
Everything comes down to the work. My life is changed and better. I work long hours and have little time for anything else. I chose this. It is not the time for me to wear the hair shirt. I like to work. I like to learn. I like to see results. I pay for things with my work. I struggle sometimes but I continue because this is what chose to do.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed and worry into the night but everything seems like the end of the world in the middle of the night, thus I have learned to pay it no heed. Nothing good happens after 2am, especially ideas and thoughts.
Good things came to be, such as writing TV shows and a new book deal.
Remarkable things happened such as when I saw my friends child go into remission from cancer.
Sorrow came when friends child died suddenly and tragically. He was so very, very loved.
I saw the country where my ancestors were sent on ships for stealing a shirt, and a bunch of carrots. It resonated within me. How did they survive? If they can survive that, then I can survive anything.
I saw my sister stand taller and stronger than before. Her spine strengthened and mind resolved.
I saw my brother rejoin the world, better but still healing.
I saw my mother move forward with grace and love, with Dad’s ashes still in the wardrobe. He is our very own Mr Tumnus.
I witnessed my daughter own her space at University and excel in every way.
I watched my son work towards something and walk out with the results, which he deserves.
I felt incredibly lonely at times. Just me and my work. The rabbit and I are friends now. She lets me pat her but I have to lie on the floor to be at her level.
A friend sent me an animation of a clock today, counting down the year.
At the end, it read on the screen – 12 Months – 12 chapters.
I like that idea. What will each chapter be in your coming year?
What did you think at the start of 2017 that no longer stands? What new knowledge and lessons will you bring with you into 2018?
To pause more.
To reach out when I’m drowning.
To trust my emotional intelligence every time it sounds the alarm.
To leave things that aren’t making you smile anymore.
To be brave enough to follow through with audacious plans.
To not waste time.
To stop worrying about other people’s opinions about your work and just do it anyway.
To look after my health.
To trust in the work.
To trust in the voice telling you what you know deep inside yourself.
To tell that person that thing you were meaning to say.
To give the compliment.
To stop worrying about what people think of you. They’re not thinking of you, they’re thinking of themselves.
To feel the love. The love in the sun-dappled plane trees on St Kilda Road. The love for the view on top of the Bolte, back over the city. The love for the turn at Green Point, looking over the beach boxes at Brighton Beach. The love for my friend and husband sitting in the seat next to me, as we watch the kite surfers at St Kilda. The love for the dogs as they run through the park at Halifax Street. The love for the hustle on Collins Street, and the tiles in the Block Arcade.
Am I happy? I am content, which is better than happiness.
I love my family, I love my work, I love my city, and I love you for reading this little missive for the end of 2017.